Once we start processing our grief, letting go of our guilt, anger is just waiting to creep up. We always feel ‘why me’? Again this is a natural feeling in grief’s process. It is key to let go of this feeling because anger hurts us the most. So let us find some truth in the poem by William Alingham. that everything passes and so will this angst that feel so strongly in our core. This metaphor of seeing the footstep is very meaningful. The bitter sweet memory of baby loss is the excruciating void that it leaves in the past, present and future. It is not only the time we spend being pregnant and having some moments with our baby that we are are grieving the long future that we could have had with our baby. Footsteps is a concept that we can interpret to feel the effect, the influence of our baby in our lives eternally. These footsteps are not physical rather they are metaphorical of the expansive impact our baby had in our lives for the limited time he/she was with us.
Fear is the absence of love and it is our innate emotion that we often do not label as fear. However it is the basis of our life. So the key is to reduce the fear so we can start allowing love to enter our lives. Sometimes this fear is of having another baby and losing him/or, the fear can be of not being happy ever again, not being whole again. So whilst labelling the fear, it is key to slowing letting it float as leaves on a running stream. Sometimes when we acknowledge what we feel is sufficient to allow the sting to listen and we can slowly start moving towards restoration. The above poem by Michale Ashby portrays a dynamic relationship with our loved one and it is all todo with our perspective. This forever feeling is there as long as we can tune into it to dissipate our fear and return back to our core which is love.
I completely agree that this is not an easy journey. I compare it to a wave where sometimes we are at the bottom of the wave and sometimes we are right at the top. We may be forgetting how we felt when our baby was in our womb or the last time we held our baby in our arms. It is okay to feel this sadness, which will never disappear completely however it will change in intensity, expression and cognition. Let us end with the wise words of the above Indian prayer which points towards equipoise and balance. The key is not to suppress and gently validate our emotions to let them be.
Feel free to email me on firstname.lastname@example.org if you would like to work with one to one to help you navigate through the journey of Baby Loss.